A Visitor From Another Planet, or Just a Helpful Tool?

Homedics PA-200H Programmable Percussion Massager

"Take me to your leader," a scratchy whisper interrupted my nap. "Whaa?" I mumbled to my dream. "PA phone home?" came the querulous reply. "Whaa?" I repeated. I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer when three-quarters asleep. "Awake, foolish earthling!"

OK, that got my attention. But when I did awaken, there was no evil, ray-gun toting alien at my bedside; just a Homedics PA-200H massager that I'd left lying on the night stand. Oh, sure, with that gray triangular "head," the long skinny "neck," and those pupil-less black "eyes" at the corners of its "face," the PA-200H could easily be mistaken for an escapee from a Whitley Streiber novel as brought to life by Industrial Light and Magic. But on second glance, there are no long, bony fingers and no stereotypical lipless mouth; just an array of teeth, err, buttons and a long, dangling cord. So, my bedroom safe from alien invasion, at least for the moment, I went back to sleep.

Besides, my lower back was feeling so much better!

Features 

The PA-200H may look like something out of an episode of "The X-Files," but it sure doesn't act like a marauding interstellar visitor. It's well behaved; even well trained. It's an impact massager, with twin heads (on the opposite side from its face) that pound your sore spots like tiny fists, only lots faster. You can use any of three black rubber heads of varying hardness to give yourself a good thumping, or use plastic heads that can be heated. Those nice alien wranglers at Homedics taught the little guy some additional tricks, too, including:

Five Intensities: when used with the manual massager setting these simply change the speed (although there seems to be very little difference between numbers 4 and 5).

Three Programs: in which the thumping frequency sweeps from minimum intensity to maximum and back; the different programs have different rates of change and stay at the extremes for different lengths of time.

Three Intervals: allows you to speed up the whole cycle on any of those programs.

Heat: either on or off, and usable only with the supplied heatable pads. It appears to raise the temperature to about 10-15 degrees (F) above body heat. Soothing...

Auto Width Adjustment: hold down a button and the heads slowly move apart, keep depressing it and they come back together again. Maximum spread is about 4 inches, minimum is about 3 inches; the gap between heads ranges from about 1-3/4 inch down to 3/4 inch.

Usage 

The PA-200H is hand-held and corded with a 12-foot line, there's a Velcro loop on the line to help stow the cord neatly. All controls except the width adjustment are on the face, where they can be operated with a thumb or the other hand. These controls are the soft-touch type often seen on calculators and cash registers, which helps keep dust and dirt out of the works. The auto-width adjustment button is on the other side, adjacent to the vibrating heads.

Recommendations  Extra contact pads screw on and off fairly easily, though they don't look all that well made to me. The threads for screwing them on do not go all the way around, and it's easy to accidentally cross-thread them. There's also no way to store the accessory heads that aren't in use except for the crumbly styrofoam block from the original packaging. The unit weighs about six to eight pounds, most of which is concentrated out at the business end. It's awkward to use if you're trying to support its weight (e.g., using it on your hamstrings while sitting). The massager works best when held horizontal so that its entire weight is on the vibrating pads, so why not get someone else to do your back for you! Since it's apparently sturdy and possessed of plenty of features, we're happy to have our PA-200H hiding in that little nest in the master bath. As of this date, it doesn't seem to have made contact with the mother ship, although there are some suspicious "signs" shaved into the back yard grass. I'm keeping an eye on the little guy, just in case!

Summary

PLUS: versatile thumper, heated

MINUS: awkward weight distribution, "face" may frighten small children

WHAT THEY'RE SAYING: Though it might look like a Close Encounter of the Third Kind, the Homedics PA-200H is actually a handy device for soothing aching muscles.

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